Once upon a commercial

Picture me driving down the open road, wind blowing through my quadrupled eyelashes. I’m snapping my gum, talking on my free phone and hitting the gas pedal while admiring my new sandles. In my other hand, I’ve got some sort of fruit smoothie and a chicken-like tidbit. There’s a $2 sandwich in my lap, and I’m speeding like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve just paid someone $9.99 to tell me my brakes work, so no worries there.

I’m eager to get home and primp for a big night with friends. I pop a sweet-smelling bundle of chemicals into the dryer while lobbing a candy bar laced with peanut butter into my mouth — relieved I slept enough the night before to know the difference for a change. I rev up the search engine to see what my friends are up to, only to discover one is doing some sort of recreational cliff thing. My mother’s words come back to me — If your friends told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?

I grab my razor, which sports some sort of water-activated serum for hydrating my skin — and wonder if I’ll ever come to grips with the regret over all those times my legs went serum-less. I lather whipped cream that matches my exact skin tone all over my face, thinking all the while just how far the mighty have fallen. I pretty up my nails with ten patterned sticky notes, and wish I was pretty enough to work the poolside bar at some posh resort. Maybe feeding my scalp, like the soil feeds a tree, will do the trick.

I meet my friends for pizza and tokens, feeling a bit under-dressed in my semi-annual sale finds. We lament the things that are too slow in our lives. Internet connections. Last week’s latest laptop. Phone calls in outer space. Thank goodness for 64 colors of 16-hour eye shadow. Soon we’re kicking the hip hop rodents out of a friend’s car, so we can hit the latest movie about men behaving badly — wishing all the while that we were home watching CW summer shows while beads burst atop our faces.

Such is the American dream, according to more than three dozen commercials shown during a one hour episode of “Breaking Pointe” on the CW network Thursday night. I tune in for a behind-the-scenes look at life in an American ballet company, but what I find each week is the crafty choreography of commercialism. Imagine a world in which all the money spent on advertising goes instead to arts organizations like the ballet company profiled on “Breaking Pointe.”

That’s my American dream.

— Lynn

Note: Kudos to AT & T for the ‘don’t text and drive’ commercial and to Ford for the commercial with an artistic feel.

Coming up: Growing up with Bill W.

Seeing red

It’s starting to feel like a bit of a conspiracy theory. Now that my daughter Lizabeth is readying to leave Arizona for college, several of the shows she’s most eager to see have started popping up around the Valley.

We were “seeing red” recently when we realized she’ll be well into her freshman year (at a college yet to be decided) before the Arizona premiere of a play that won six 2010 Tony Awards — including “best play.”

The work is John Logan’s “Red” — which is based on the true story of an artist grappling with “the commission of a lifetime.” The play is described as “a searing portrait of an artist’s ambition and vulnerability.”

Apparently matters are complicated by a new assistant who questions the artist’s “views of art, creativity and commerce.” Their master/novice dialogue explores an age-old query: “Is art meant to provoke, soothe or disturb?”

“Red” is the final work in the recently unveiled Arizona Theatre Company 2011-2012 season, which opens with a world premiere titled “Sherlock Holmes and the Adventure of the Suicide Club.” It’s a Jeffrey Hatcher work based on “The Suicide Club” by Robert Louis Stevenson and characters created by Arthur Conan Doyle.

The 45th anniversary season slate for Arizona Theatre Company also features the Southwest premiere of Yasmina Reza’s “God of Carnage,” which won the 2009 Tony Award for “best play.” Picture grown-ups trying to be civilized as they discuss their children’s misadventures on a playground — only to unravel as “political correctness” dissolves into “character assasination.”

The fact that bullying is such a hot topic of discussion these days makes this work especially intriguing. Perhaps it’ll answer one of my one burning questions: Why are parents (and politicians) who bully so suprised when children follow in their footsteps?

They’ll also present the Southwest premiere of “Daddy Long Legs” — a musical that’s based on the novel by Jean Webster. It features book by John Caird (who also directs), and music/lyrics by Paul Gordon.

“Daddy Long Legs” couples coming of age saga and love story. Told “through a series of letters,” it’s described as “a testament to the power of the written word.”

Valley theater-goers might have had more experience with the next show in ATC’s 2011-2012 season — “Alfred Hitchcock’s The 39 Steps.” Lizabeth and I first saw this one at ASU Gammage, then at the Utah Shakespeare Festival.

“The 39 Steps,” which features four actors in well over 100 roles, is described by some as “spy novel meets Monty Python.” It’s the tale of a mild-mannered man who finds himself tangled up with murder, espionage and a dash of flirtacious misadventure. When well cast (which I certainly expect to be the case with ATC), it’s one of the funniest shows around.

An additional offering in the ATC 2011-2012 season is Simon Levy’s adaptation of “The Great Gatsby” — based on the F. Scott Fitzgerald novel of the same name. It explores a world of wealth and privilege during the “jazz age” of 1920s America.

It’s hard to imagine a stronger season. And while Lizabeth is truly disappointed she won’t be here to experience these shows, ATC’s 2011-2012 offerings will serve me well by providing poignant, powerful fare and a much needed distraction as I miss my favorite theater companion.

— Lynn

Note: Arizona Theatre Company presents their “Curtains Up Cabaret 2011” Sat, April 30 at the Herberger Theater Center. Click here to learn more.

Coming up: Musings on “message” movies, Valley teen does comedy