Shock of ages

I wasn’t expecting much going into the movie “Rock of Ages,” as evidenced by my earliest musings on a possible title for this post. Think “Crock of ages.” Happily, I got to discard that baby. Turns out that even my disdain for a certain actor in the film couldn’t keep me from really relishing it. Neither did my conviction that music from the ’80s is best left there.

With a little less sleep or the company of like-minded folk, I might have jumped out of my seat to dance as the film directed by Adam Shankman unfolded one ’80s hit after another from groups like Journey, Foreigner, Bon Jovi and more. Tragically, I’d left my rhinestone-studded fanny pack and denim mini skirt at home — though I do have the big hair required for spontaneous trips back several decades in time.

“Rock of Ages” in film mode follows a Broadway telling of the same story. It’s a boy meets girl, love versus fame, integrity trumping hypocrisy tale that’ll sweep you back to younger days if you let it. An Oklahoma singer donning her red floral hoedown dress and boots boards a bus for L.A., hoping to realize dreams illuminated by the famous hillside Hollywood sign.

Soon she’s waiting tables and dating an earnest young man who also fancies himself a singer. His big break comes after the warm-up act for a top-billed rocker cancels just two hour before showtime, and he nails it. Not for love, but out of anger. Seems he suspects his girl of taking the groupie thing too far with the wreck of a rock singer who’s come to save an ailing club from certain death.

Things heat up when the wife of a mayor seeking re-election decides that rock and roll is poisoning the minds of youth, gathering her posse of pearl-wearing church ladies to protest the club with picket signs and proverbs. Meanwhile, an inept reporter tries to interview the rocker robber years before of his humanity by an oily agent who worships money more than music.

As all this unfolds, moviegoers old enough to remember such things delight in glimpses of cell phones the size of guinea pigs, outstretched tongues reminiscent of Kiss and vinyl records neatly sorted into Tower Records bins. Also boy bands, pole dancers and hard liquor galore. Best to leave the kids at home for this baby. No need to frighten them with aerobics gear, polyester pantsuits or animal prints.

Julianne Hough (Sherrie) and Diego Boneta (Drew), the couple at the heart of “Rock of Ages,” have genuine chemistry. It doesn’t hurt that Diego rocks the dreamboat vibe. He’s got big brown eyes and wavy hair that put him right up there with Josh Groban and a Cocker Spaniel puppy on the adorable scale. Boneta is both actor and singer, which is helpful in a film where stars do their own singing.

Hough walks a fine line between Malibu Barbie and Marilyn Monroe. Her acting is solid, but the babydoll tone in her vocals has a gnawing quality. Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin add a boyish charm that strays too often into rude and crude territory, but their plot twist is the funniest by far. They’re the club owners struggling to stay in business as rock’s glorious edifice appears to crumble all around them. Paul Giamatti makes sleezy agents look saintly.

From start to finish, Tom Cruise is brilliant. He’s the fictional famed rocker Stacee Jaxx, whose downward spiral is cavernous. You’ll forget, as he moves between rocker and royal pain in the ass, that you’re watching Tom Cruise. Folks who suspect he’s lived some dark days will see compelling on-screen evidence as Cruise delivers a delicious rock version of Hannibal Lecter minus all that serial killing stuff.

There’s a split second during Cruise’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me” performance when you get the feeling he might have waited all his life to look that sculpted and strong. Still, it’s the strength of rock and roll, and the redemptive power of returning to one’s roots, that drives the film’s pulse. Don’t fight the feeling.

— Lynn

Coming up: So much for anonymity, One block in Phoenix

2012 movie musings

Sometimes childhood memories shared with our own children come back to haunt us. I once told daughter Lizabeth about racing home after school to watch the vampire soap series “Dark Shadows.” Now that Johnny Depp is starring in a “Dark Shadows” film (May) that’ll fast forward Barnabas and clan to the 1970s, I’ll never hear the end of it.

Only rumors that Depp raced home to do the same thing will temper those wounds. Folks with a taste for vampire lore can also look forward to “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2” (Nov) and “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” (June).  I haven’t read the “Twilight” series, so I’m a bit conflicted about what color to expect for the nursery.

Lizabeth likes the Lincoln meets vampire vibe, but I’m holding out for Spielberg’s “Lincoln” (Dec) starring Daniel Day Lewis. Lincoln’s life was bloody enough. I’d like to leave it at that. I’ll also be watching for “Hotel Transylvania” (Sept) with a cast that includes two comedic Adams and one crooning Miley.

Musical theater morphs into movies at least twice this year with “Rock of Ages” (June) starring Tom Cruise (watch for tidy widy jokes) and “Les Miserables” (Dec) featuring Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter and lots of other big names. I’d give you the rest of the list but it’d only leave you wishing I’d stopped after Jackman.

We’ll also enjoy a pair of films starring Harry Potter alums this season — “The Woman in Black” (Feb) with Daniel Radcliffe (whose performance Lizabeth loved in “How to Succeed…” on Broadway) and “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” (Fall) with Emma Watson. I was perfectly happy with the other films featuring a wallflower in black named “Snape.”

Two actresses who first performed right here in the Valley will be seen on the big screen this year. First, Emma Stone in “Movie 43” (April) and “The Amazing Spiderman” (July) — which will show her acting alongside greats like Sally Field and Richard Gere. Also Jordin Sparks in “Sparkle” (Aug), alongside Whitney Houston. Best I just let that one be for the time being.

In the classic lit department, there’s “The Great Gatsby” (Dec) starring Leonardo DiCaprio — assuming he survives the 3-D version of James Cameron’s “Titanic” (April). Also “Anna Karenina” and “Great Expectations” — both slotted for fall release. Start reading now if you want to revisit the books before these babies hit your local movie theater. Folks who favor new lit can look forward to “The Hunger Games” (March) and “Life of Pi” (Dec).

Girlpower gets its due with “Brave” (June) — Pixar’s 13th film and their first to feature a female heroine. Mean girls are headed our way with two variations on the Snow White tale. First, “Mirror Mirror” (March) starring Julia Roberts as the Queen and Lily Collins as Snow White. Then “Snow White and the Huntsmen” (June), starring Charlize Theron as the Queen and Kristen Stewart as Snow White.

For more twisted fairy tale fare, check out “Jack the Giant Killer” (June) — which Lizabeth only entertained seeing after learning it’s from the same fine fellow who brought us “X-Men: First Class.” Those of you waiting on “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” need to aim your crystal balls at the year 2013. In the interim, try “The Avengers” (May).

It’s a big year for sequels, including family fare like “Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted” (June), “Ice Age 4: Continental Drift” (July) and “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days” (Aug). Also “Men in Black” (May), “The Dark Knight Rises” (July) and “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” (Dec). Lizabeth and I could never make it past the first few pages of “The Hobbit,” so I’m not holding out much hope for this one.

She’s more excited about “The Secret Adventures of Arrietty” (Feb), a Disney film based on a novel called “The Borrowers” — while I’m looking forward to “Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax” (March), from the folks who made “Despicable Me.” Other family fare includes a whale of a tale called “Big Miracle” (Feb) and “Disneynature: Chimpanzee” (April).

Watch for “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” (May), a film about five couples expecting babies that was inspired by the famous prenatal parenting book. I’m only willing to revisit those memories because the cast includes Matthew Morrison of “Glee.” Don’t mistake “The Pirates! Band of Misfits” (March) for an animated film about your toddler’s playdates.

My potpourri pile’s got some other films I’m still investigating — so stay tuned for a second installment. And drop a line to let me know what films you’re most excited about seeing.

— Lynn

Note: Film release dates are subject to change. Visit the websites for your favorite films/studios to follow their developments.

Coming up: Broadway meets community theater