I wasn’t expecting much going into the movie “Rock of Ages,” as evidenced by my earliest musings on a possible title for this post. Think “Crock of ages.” Happily, I got to discard that baby. Turns out that even my disdain for a certain actor in the film couldn’t keep me from really relishing it. Neither did my conviction that music from the ’80s is best left there.
With a little less sleep or the company of like-minded folk, I might have jumped out of my seat to dance as the film directed by Adam Shankman unfolded one ’80s hit after another from groups like Journey, Foreigner, Bon Jovi and more. Tragically, I’d left my rhinestone-studded fanny pack and denim mini skirt at home — though I do have the big hair required for spontaneous trips back several decades in time.
“Rock of Ages” in film mode follows a Broadway telling of the same story. It’s a boy meets girl, love versus fame, integrity trumping hypocrisy tale that’ll sweep you back to younger days if you let it. An Oklahoma singer donning her red floral hoedown dress and boots boards a bus for L.A., hoping to realize dreams illuminated by the famous hillside Hollywood sign.
Soon she’s waiting tables and dating an earnest young man who also fancies himself a singer. His big break comes after the warm-up act for a top-billed rocker cancels just two hour before showtime, and he nails it. Not for love, but out of anger. Seems he suspects his girl of taking the groupie thing too far with the wreck of a rock singer who’s come to save an ailing club from certain death.
Things heat up when the wife of a mayor seeking re-election decides that rock and roll is poisoning the minds of youth, gathering her posse of pearl-wearing church ladies to protest the club with picket signs and proverbs. Meanwhile, an inept reporter tries to interview the rocker robber years before of his humanity by an oily agent who worships money more than music.
As all this unfolds, moviegoers old enough to remember such things delight in glimpses of cell phones the size of guinea pigs, outstretched tongues reminiscent of Kiss and vinyl records neatly sorted into Tower Records bins. Also boy bands, pole dancers and hard liquor galore. Best to leave the kids at home for this baby. No need to frighten them with aerobics gear, polyester pantsuits or animal prints.
Julianne Hough (Sherrie) and Diego Boneta (Drew), the couple at the heart of “Rock of Ages,” have genuine chemistry. It doesn’t hurt that Diego rocks the dreamboat vibe. He’s got big brown eyes and wavy hair that put him right up there with Josh Groban and a Cocker Spaniel puppy on the adorable scale. Boneta is both actor and singer, which is helpful in a film where stars do their own singing.
Hough walks a fine line between Malibu Barbie and Marilyn Monroe. Her acting is solid, but the babydoll tone in her vocals has a gnawing quality. Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin add a boyish charm that strays too often into rude and crude territory, but their plot twist is the funniest by far. They’re the club owners struggling to stay in business as rock’s glorious edifice appears to crumble all around them. Paul Giamatti makes sleezy agents look saintly.
From start to finish, Tom Cruise is brilliant. He’s the fictional famed rocker Stacee Jaxx, whose downward spiral is cavernous. You’ll forget, as he moves between rocker and royal pain in the ass, that you’re watching Tom Cruise. Folks who suspect he’s lived some dark days will see compelling on-screen evidence as Cruise delivers a delicious rock version of Hannibal Lecter minus all that serial killing stuff.
There’s a split second during Cruise’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me” performance when you get the feeling he might have waited all his life to look that sculpted and strong. Still, it’s the strength of rock and roll, and the redemptive power of returning to one’s roots, that drives the film’s pulse. Don’t fight the feeling.
— Lynn
Coming up: So much for anonymity, One block in Phoenix